How Men Can Define Success and Overcome the Obstacles Holding Them Back

By Mark Odland – LMFT, Certified EMDR Therapist (in conversation with Zack Carter – Counselor and Coach)

As featured on the Lion Counseling Podcast

What Does Success Really Mean?

Many men chase success—but never pause to define it. Success without a definition is a moving target. At Lion Counseling, we help men slow down, define success on their own terms, and build lives they’re proud of.

Start with Core Values

Before setting goals, ask yourself: What do I deeply care about? Common core values include:

  • Family
  • Faith
  • Career Excellence
  • Community Impact
  • Personal Growth

Specify the Goal

Success should be measurable. Examples:

  • “Earn $150,000/year while working no more than 40 hours a week.”
  • “Attend my child’s events at least once per month.”

Without specifics, you’ll keep moving the goalposts and feeling unsatisfied.

Is Success a Destination or a Process?

Many of the men we work with have achieved success in one area—career, finances, or family—but feel unfulfilled elsewhere. True success involves balance across multiple areas of life, not just hitting one target.

What Prevents Men from Achieving Success?

1. Fixed Mindset

Dr. Carol Dweck’s research shows the power of a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. If you label yourself “lazy” or “stupid,” you’ll subconsciously live down to that label. Growth mindset says: mistakes are opportunities to learn.

2. All-or-Nothing Thinking

If you believe you must either succeed 100% or you’re a total failure, you’ll sabotage yourself. Real success lives in the gray areas, in progress—not perfection.

3. Labeling

“I’m a loser.” “I’m not good enough.” These identity labels anchor you to failure. We teach men to challenge these lies with evidence from their own lives.

4. Comparison to Others

Social media and unrealistic timelines poison your mindset. Someone else’s highlight reel is not the measure of your worth or your timeline. Your journey is unique.

How to Start Building Real Success

1. Challenge the Lies

Write down negative beliefs. Then write counter-evidence. Example: “I’m lazy” vs. “I work full-time, help my family, and serve at my church.” Retrain your brain with truth.

2. Build Habits, Not Just Goals

Small, consistent actions compound over time. Like investing a little each month, you won’t see results overnight—but you’ll wake up years later transformed.

3. Embrace Necessary Pain

There’s pain either way—either the pain of staying stuck, or the pain of stretching yourself into growth. Choose your pain wisely.

4. Ask for Support

Great athletes have coaches. Successful men have mentors. Sometimes having a professional counselor or coach makes all the difference. Reach out today if you’re ready to level up.

Common Questions

What if I achieve success but still feel empty?

That’s a sign you’re chasing external goals without internal alignment. It’s time to revisit your core values and heal underlying beliefs that distort your self-worth.

Is it possible to change my mindset after 30, 40, or 50 years?

Absolutely. Neuroplasticity proves the brain can rewire itself at any age. Change is possible if you have the right strategies and support.

How do I know if I need counseling or coaching?

If you feel stuck despite your efforts, working with a counselor or coach can provide clarity, accountability, and tools for faster growth. Explore our counseling or coaching services to learn more.

Final Thoughts

Success isn’t just about achievements. It’s about healing your past, defining your future, and living your life with intention and purpose. You have the power to choose change, redefine success, and escape the cage that’s holding you back.

Want to talk about your journey? Schedule a free consult here.

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