Why Am I Unmotivated: 3 Steps to Get Moving Again

If you’ve ever looked around at your life, your job, your relationships, your responsibilities, and thought, “Why am I unmotivated?” you’re not alone. I work with high-achieving men every week who feel successful on paper but secretly stuck behind the scenes. They’re burned out. Unfocused. Running on fumes. And wondering where their drive went.

I’m Mark Odland, a licensed therapist who has logged over 15,000 therapy sessions with men who’ve hit the same wall. The good news? Motivation isn’t a personality trait. It’s not something you either have or don’t. It’s something you can understand, rebuild, and reclaim, especially when you know where to look.

In this article, I’ll walk you through what motivation really is, why it disappears, and three proven steps to help you get it back. If you’re stuck at work, checked out at home, or just tired of spinning your wheels, this is your starting point.

By Mark Odland – MA, LMFT, MDIV (Certified EMDR Therapist)

A conversation with Zack Carter – MS, Counselor and Coach as featured on the Lion Counseling Podcast

What Motivation Really Is

Most people think motivation is just about willpower or discipline. But if you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why am I unmotivated even when I know what I should be doing?”, you already know it’s not that simple.

Motivation isn’t just about logic. It’s about emotion. In fact, the word “emotion” literally shares a root with “motion.” Emotion is what moves us, or what holds us back.

At Lion Counseling, I see this all the time. Guys who are smart, driven, and capable… but still find themselves dragging through the day or zoning out at home. What’s usually going on? Their emotional system is either overreacting or completely shut down.

Here’s what that looks like:

• Sadness slows you down so you can reflect and recover.

• Anxiety speeds you up so you can act and avoid pain.

• Shame makes you freeze and withdraw.

Biologically, emotions sit between your brainstem and your logic center. That means they come online before your thoughts do. If you’re ignoring what’s happening emotionally, you’re skipping the part of your brain that actually gets you moving.

Motivation isn’t about ignoring your feelings. It’s about learning how to use them.

Why People Lose Motivation

If you’re asking yourself, “Why am I unmotivated?”, the first thing to know is that there’s usually a reason. Motivation doesn’t just vanish for no reason. It breaks down over time. And for most people I work with, it’s a mix of emotional, psychological, and environmental factors.

Here are a few of the most common:

• You’re burned out.
  When your nervous system is constantly in overdrive, from work, stress, or relationships, eventually your mind and body hit a wall. What looks like “laziness” is often just exhaustion.

• You’re not emotionally connected to what you’re doing.
  Motivation drops fast when something feels meaningless. If your goals aren’t tied to your values, they’ll feel like a grind instead of something you want to show up for.

• You’ve internalized a belief that you’re failing.
  A lot of guys I work with carry old scripts like “I should be further by now” or “What’s the point?” These beliefs quietly kill drive, even when everything on the outside looks fine.

• You’re stuck in perfectionism.
  If your standard is “go all in or don’t bother,” it’s no surprise you’re not moving. All-or-nothing thinking keeps you from starting unless conditions are perfect, which they never are.

The truth? Losing motivation is normal. But staying stuck in it doesn’t have to be.

3 Steps to Build Motivation

If you’re stuck wondering “Why am I unmotivated?” and you’ve already tried forcing it, guilting yourself, or watching motivational videos that fizzle out 10 minutes later, it’s time for a different approach.

These three steps have helped my clients get out of their heads and back into motion:

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1. Understand the Role of Emotion

Motivation starts in the body, not your to-do list. That restless, heavy, checked-out feeling? It’s often emotional energy that hasn’t been processed. You don’t have to be “emotional” to be affected by emotion.

I tell my clients all the time: emotion is energy. It can fuel your drive or drain it. Your job isn’t to push through or suppress it, it’s to notice it and work with it.

Take a second to ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? Not what are you thinking, what are you feeling? That’s where momentum begins.

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2. Align Goals with Core Values

External motivation, pressure from work, Instagram reels, or a podcast clip can light a spark, but it rarely lasts. Long-term motivation comes from your values — the things that matter to you on a deeper level.

One client of mine hated working out alone, but he deeply valued connection. So instead of forcing solo gym sessions, he started scheduling workouts with friends. Result? He showed up consistently.

Your values are already wired into your brain’s motivation system. Tap into them, and everything starts to click.

➡️ Try this: Search for “James Clear’s Core Values List” and circle your top five.

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3. Overcome All-or-Nothing Thinking

If your brain tells you, “If I don’t crush a full hour at the gym, it doesn’t count,” you’re stuck. Perfectionism quietly kills motivation by turning every action into a pass/fail test.

Start smaller than you think you need to. I once had a client whose only goal was to drive to the gym and walk in. That was it. No pressure to work out, just show up. And you know what happened? Once he was there, he stayed. He trained. He left proud.

Start stupid easy. Then build from there.

Bonus Insight: EMDR and Motivation

Sometimes when a client says, “I know what to do, I just can’t make myself do it,” it’s not a mindset issue. It’s emotional. That’s where EMDR therapy comes in.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a powerful tool I use with men who are stuck in patterns of self-sabotage, burnout, or emotional shutdown. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” or “I’ll just fail again,” those thoughts might not be rational, they might be rooted in past experiences your brain never fully processed.

Here’s how it works: EMDR helps you identify emotional triggers, process them, and rewire how your brain responds. It doesn’t erase the memory, it removes the charge. You stop reacting like it’s still happening, and finally start responding like the man you are now.

For many of my clients, EMDR has been the missing link between knowing what they want… and actually doing it.

Want to know more? Click Here to learn about EMDR therapy with Mark and how it could help you break through the mental and emotional walls holding you back.

The truth? Losing motivation is normal. But staying stuck in it doesn’t have to be.

How Therapy Can Help Build Your Motivation

If you’re stuck asking “Why am I unmotivated?” and nothing seems to work, therapy might be the reset you need. Not because you’re broken. But because motivation usually breaks down when deeper emotional patterns get in the way.

At Lion Counseling, I help men identify the emotional, mental, and relational blocks that quietly drain their drive. We dig into what’s really holding you back, whether it’s burnout, perfectionism, shame, or old beliefs that no longer serve you, and we build practical tools to help you move forward.

Therapy isn’t about talking in circles. It’s about taking ownership of your story and learning how to lead yourself again.

Contact Mark Odland – Experienced Therapist for Improving Motivation

If you’re ready to stop overthinking and start moving again, I’d be honored to help. I offer a free 15-minute consultation. No pressure, just a conversation to see if we’re a good fit.

Click below to schedule a call and let’s take the first step together.

👉 Schedule Your Free Consult

Common Questions: Why Am I Unmotivated?

What if I feel successful at work but disconnected at home?

This is incredibly common, especially for high-achieving men. You might feel confident in your career but unmotivated in relationships or parenting. Motivation isn’t just one thing; it shifts based on the emotional weight of different areas in your life. If home feels unsafe, overwhelming, or like unfamiliar territory, your system may check out. Therapy helps unpack that and get your drive back where it matters most.

Is motivation really emotional?

Yes, 100%. Your nervous system decides what feels safe or threatening long before your brain starts “thinking.” Motivation is a biological response that flows through your emotions, not around them. If you ignore that, you’re skipping the system that actually controls your behavior.

Isn’t this just psycho mumbo jumbo?

Nope, it’s neuroscience. Motivation, focus, avoidance, burnout, they’re all connected to how your brain has learned to protect you. Therapy isn’t about crying on a couch. It’s about understanding the wiring, breaking old patterns, and building new ones that actually serve you.

Are emotions weak?

Not at all. Emotions are information. They’re your system’s way of signaling what’s going on under the surface. Anger might be covering sadness. Numbness might be shielding fear. Avoiding emotions doesn’t make you strong, mastering them does. That’s what we focus on at Lion Counseling.

How do I stop feeling demotivated?

Start small. Get curious. Pay attention to what drains your energy and what gives it back. Most importantly, stop trying to white-knuckle your way through it. Therapy can help you identify the emotional and mental roadblocks that make everything feel harder than it should.

Why am I so unfocused?

Chronic distraction and lack of focus are often signs of deeper stress. If your nervous system feels like it’s constantly in threat mode, even subtly, focus becomes nearly impossible. We address this in therapy by working on the roots, not just the symptoms.

Final Thoughts