How to Find a Spouse: What Christian Men Should Really Be Looking For

By Mark Odland, MA, LMFT (based on conversation with Zack Carter, Counselor and Coach)

Based on Episode 15 of the Lion Counseling Podcast

Looking for a Wife? Start with Wisdom, Not Just Chemistry

In Episode 15, we dive deep into one of the most important—and often confusing—decisions a Christian man can make: how to find a spouse. This isn’t about cheesy pickup lines or passive waiting. It’s about becoming the kind of man who can recognize and choose the right kind of woman.

Here’s a breakdown of what we covered, along with practical advice to help you make wise, faith-centered choices in dating and relationships.

The Problem with Modern Dating

Too many men choose a partner based on surface-level traits:

Looks
Charm
Shared hobbies

But these alone won’t carry a marriage. If you want a wife—not just a girlfriend—you need to look deeper.

What Really Matters in a Spouse

Here are the traits that actually lead to lasting love:

Character – Integrity, honesty, faithfulness
Emotional Stability – Can she handle stress, conflict, and growth?
Shared Faith and Values – Does she love Jesus more than she loves you?
Healthy Boundaries – Can she say no, respect your leadership, and have her own identity?

Watch Out for These Red Flags

No woman is perfect—but here are signs that you might be walking into a storm:

Narcissism
Manipulation
Emotional volatility
Chronic victim mentality
Disrespect for biblical marriage

The Three Must-Haves Exercise

We encourage every man to create his own “Top 3 Must-Have Traits” list.

Here’s how:

Get alone with God in prayer.
Ask: What values matter most to me in a wife?
Write down the top 3 traits you’re not willing to compromise on.

This keeps you anchored when chemistry clouds your vision.

Becoming the Kind of Man She’s Praying For

It’s easy to focus on finding the right woman. But the more important question is:

Am I the kind of man the right woman is praying for?

Grow your emotional maturity. Build spiritual discipline. Learn how to love, lead, and listen. The better you become, the better you can discern—and attract—the kind of woman who’s ready for marriage.

Faith, Timing, and Trust

God’s timing doesn’t always match yours. But He sees your desires. He’s not just interested in pairing you up—He’s interested in shaping your heart.

Trust His process. Take wise risks. And surround yourself with truth-telling brothers who will challenge your thinking and encourage your growth.

Need Help Breaking Old Dating Patterns?

If you’ve been repeating the same mistakes—or you’re afraid to even put yourself out there—we can help. Our faith-based coaching and counseling equips men to date and marry with clarity, confidence, and conviction.

Schedule a free consultation here.

Final Encouragement

You don’t have to guess your way into marriage. You can walk forward with wisdom, discernment, and faith. And we’re here to walk that path with you.